Kind of off topic but this fits into a comical catastrophic off-season plan.
Trade away the whole Fantastic Five pitching staff. Get some bats!
Lookit this list of former Mariner free agent starting pitchers. Welcome them back with open arms. Pay 'em discounted salaries
cause you know they want to come home
Matthew Boyd (34)
Yusei Kikuchi (34)
Chris Flexen (30)
Drew Smyly (36)
Anthony DeSclafani (35)
Marco Gonzales (33)
Wade Miley (38)
Robbie Ray (33) (has opt out clause)
Think of the haul we could get for Kirby, Castillo, Gilbert, Miller and Woo!!!!! Bats, bats and more bats!. We'll score lots and lots of runs and give up lots and lots of runs.
Who are your replacement 5? The fans in the stands won't know the diff because they're familiar names.
I got this demented brainstorm looking at MLBTR's today.